raspberryswirlz

In your kiss
I tasted sweet potential,
a touch of magic
and wonder.

With your touch
I felt every nerve
on fire.
I was finally awoken
from my emotionless slumber
when you held me so tight.

Hungry bodies searching
for release
eyes locked, hands clasped, legs entwined
we walked on the dangerous side
hardly able to contain our curiosities.

When I saw the light in your eyes
I finally stopped running from myself
and felt the puzzle pieces of my heart
connect once more.


You spoke words of caution
urging me
not to become invested.
But in my heart is a door
which swings one way only--
others enter far too easily
but rarely exit
(only in an emergency).
And you my dear have won me over.
One charismatic smile
and I was hooked.
One hour
was all it took
to change
 the course of my heart.

I broke a rule for you.
I'll break all of the rules for you.
I'll wait and wait till it hurts
if you'll say I'm the only one.
Your wit and vulnerability were equaly attractive qualities.
You appreciate my thoughts and love my stories.
What could be better than mutuality?

And I know you want
to explore the depths of my heart.
But will you walk away
in fear or uncertainty?
Will you shy away
from my intensity?
Will you dive into this
and let the waves engulf you?
Just close your eyes and let go.
No reason to fear.
Let me take care of you.

I could be so good for you.
You could be so good for me.
I could be so good for you.

For I know ...
I'll fall in love with you
(no use fighting, this is how it will be)
and I'd prefer not to share.

Please don't run away.

 Yes, I finally wrote a song. It's been a long time coming.

I only have eyes for you

(in my dreams, in my thoughts you’re all I see)

I only have eyes for you

(in my mind, in my heart, in my fantasies)

It’s you, only you, my love.

 

I only have lips for you

(your taste, your caress, you’re all that I need)

I only have lips for you

(your touch, your smell, haunts my dreams)

It’s you, only you, my love.

 

My heart beats just for you

(and it’s killing me, it’s killing me!)

My heart beats just for you

(say you’ll come back to me!)

For it’s you, only you, my love…

 

And until the end of our days

Be you close to me or far

I will give, I will give, till it hurts, my dear

Until you love yourself like I do…

 

I only have eyes for you

(You’re the perfect mess, a sight to behold)

I only have eyes for you

(Don’t let this wait until we’re too old)

Let me in Let me in Let me in to your world…

 

 

Don’t turn away…

Don’t run away…

Don’t run away run away run away…

 

I’m the one for you.

I give you all of my love and my faith
till I'm left with no more
and I bleed till
your words heal me up again.
Now you say...it just can't be...we're too different..you and me...
See my heart...it's made for you...all for you..

Chorus: If I fell to my knees would you give me your hand
and if I forgot to breathe would you fill me up again.
And if I cried a river would you build me a bridge
and after this, could you learn to love me?

if I could give you the moon, just to feel your embrace, for just one kiss among the stars
I would place you above this cold world
I'll be your light
hold you through the night...

Chorus

for you...for you...all for you..
just for you..
I'm for you..just for you...
Tonight, i'm crying on my bed over you, all for you..

Chorus
could you learn to love me?

Snow falls softly as the city sleeps.
Tiny white crystals sparkle
under the soft glow of street lights
so purely, so beautifully...
like the love that consumed me
like your soft whispers that still linger in my mind.

All is quiet
but those memories I hold onto resound,
echoing through the night
racing past all space and time,
calling you home to me...

I remember you skipping with joy
so alive,
your eyes shining
our hearts ablaze.
I remember when I gave myself to you
and now am left
with this bittersweet longing
this quiet knowledge
of all there is still to come
and darling, I will never forget.


Written for John, Winter 2005

Barely in bloom, she falls from grace
Hardly alive,her pretty petals only begginning to grow,
her stem only now becoming strong enough to proudly reach for the sky...
only now can she thrive.
But you cut her down
suppress her in the most harsh of ways
stealing her freedom to feel the warm sun against her face.
You blind her
snatch away any glimpse of the world before her.
Drain her of her glorious colours, leaving her pale, limp and afriad.
No longer full of joy, ever changing and inspired
she is now cold and tired
and dripping in melancholy.
Raspberry swirls in her brain, she's going to self destruct again.
The darkness came and took her voice away
and now she lies torn
like a weed.
No longer a beautiful flower, she lies buried in the soil
now she cannot breathe, choking on her misery.
Now she blinks
and in the wink of an eye is forgotten.

April 2004
I'm not sure what inspired this but I thought it was powerful.

Once there was a winter girl
wrapped in shattered dreams and shards of her broken spirit.
Once, a chill ran throughout her body
from icy cold lips to fingertips
threatening to destroy her heart of glass.
Yet somehow her eyes never lost their fire even in the depths of her winter.

One day she awoke to the brightest, warmest sun she had ever known...
There he stood before her, shining brilliant, casting his rays brilliantly upon her bewildered face.
Like an angel he wrapped his arms around her and held her tightly to his chest.
To her suprise, the winter girl began to melt, her limbs finally free
her heart singing out in joy
for she was as close to heaven as she would ever come.

With his soft gentle kiss, he breathed life into her once more.
The seasons changed
The winter girl blossomed into a summer girl.
She had found what she'd only known in dreams.
In his embrace she would stay
forever,always.
Until the end of their days.

March 13th, 2004

Never have I been so touched,
so captivated by your love as tonight
enraptured with your every word
taken over by the mere though of your touch.
Tonight- anything is possible.
Tonight is the night when dreams come true, for wistful smiles and candy kisses and wishing on stars.
I've been buried by these feelings
and yet I do not fight, do not struggle against the tide
the inevitable ebbing and flowing.
I only embrace our love, everlasting and true.
Magic is in the air as two hearts become one.
Under the wings of your love I soar
high above our troubled world
above the jaded ones
beyond gray skies and littered streets
and frowning faces and broken dreams.
With you by my side I will fly
beyond the stars, beyond the heavens.
We'll make it you and I.
We'll be amazing, no shadow of doubt.
After the storm there is always a rainbow
and you and me my dear are only just beggining.
Come what may, I love you.
For all eternity, I adore you.
With all of me, I long for you.
For as long as my heart beats in time with yours, I'm with you.
My love, my soulmate, my future unknown is now a future so clear.
My John...I'm for you.

Human Evolution or Media Concoction?
Aiming for perfection we fall short
Excuses given are excuses wasted
when it comes down to understanding a woman.
Feeding us lines and false promises
Building us with lies though your teeth
in hopes that we will fall pray
to your fucked up little fantasies and dominating ways.
You want it all and wont settle for less
innocent yet seductive, wild but tamed
when we're fed up and want to take a stand
you tell us not to complain.
When living in your little dream world my friend
take a peek back into reality once in awhile
and see the woman, not object or thing
that only desires love
and then tell me you know it all.

This poem was inspired by a boy who I just wanted to forget. But on a more general level it was sparked by my increasing interest in feminism and realization of the pressures women face in life...

Teetering on the edge
One false move and watch
The knife slip.

Wash my heart clean of you
Cleanse the memory of
Your words, oh they stain.
Blood red roses and raspberry swirls
Lay me down upon pure white sheets
And fill me with your love
Until the world spins.
Take me into your heart
Teach me how to breathe again.

Take all of me.
My heart is yours,
The rest in time.
Save me from myself.

Out of mind.

You’ve given me light
And now I’m craving you
With every fibre.
My core is shaking,
My heart ablaze
Watch me fall apart.

In your hands, in your hands
I’m coming apart at the seams
Look what I’ve done
Gone and fallen in love again
Impossible.

Fucked up,
Desperate,
Hopeless love.
Struggling against the tide
“You can’t have me!”
I scream and thrash and cry
and yet you’re taking me over
and over and over again.
Could it be? I’m letting you…
Did I give up?
I’m digging my grave
And lying in it.


Living and dying
By this double edged knife
No safety here.
I can’t breathe.

Tell me you’re not the one
Tell me you’re my one and only.
Tell me you’re only a dream
Tell me this dream could come true.

Panic.
Dreams of you
Persist.
When did I lose myself
To those words on the screen.
The weeks fly by
And you’re still on my mind.

Wrap me up in misery
Let me retreat into this cocoon
Of plastic playmates
And little girls lost
And all my dreams in a teacup.
Maybe one day I’ll be a singer…
….and write beautiful songs of a boy I lost
before I even found him.
Little boy curls, and deep blue eyes
And innocence
And blood red roses.


A very difficult time...
but what would result was more beautiful than I could imagine

the passion inside is consuming
a never ceasing flame
burning relentesly.
love knows no boundries.
no limitations.
I wish I could crawl up inside
a cocoon
and shield myself from
the love that is poured out
through your eyes.
Those eyes which could never decieve me.
as I reach for your hand
(and your heart)
I think I see you reaching out for me...
but my hand falls
in defeat.

and I'm losing my sense of direction
and meaning.
I need to hold you again.

Once I found myself
teetering on the edge
and there you were
a clear face among the black haze
and now I'm reaching out for you
did I see you reaching for me?
It must have been wishful thinking.

your lips so red, so sweet,
a promise of kisses to come.
I can feel your body against mine
I never wanted to leave your embrace.
I told myself I never would.
I traced "I love you" over and over
upon your back.
Just in case you forgot.

Tonight, you whispered in my ear
and your breath,so warm against my skin
was just another painful reminder of our passion.
Now only found in dreams.
I thought your mouth lingered too long.
And we sat a little too close.
It must be wishful thinking.

Do you miss the kisses that I placed
on every inch of your body?
Do you miss waking up in my arms, to the girl that would give up all for your love?
Do you know I bite my lip
whenever I think of you,
and it is now
swollen and bleeding.
liky my heart
you really did make me feel pretty you know.

I would trade all conversations
spoken throughout history
for one silent moment with you.
My body speaks for myself
and your hands understand
what the mind cannot concieve.
this passion wont go away.
And I am lost.
Can you find me?


It's funny how things change so quickly. He really was my world.

With her silicone smile
and cheap design,
the perfect mess
she was always the one left behind.
Finding her place among the stars
she found depression to bring out the scars.
She lost herself in the spinning whirlwind.
Chaos was never before so inviting.
Into her secret world she retreats
and meaning is lost again.
And she finds herself teetering on the edge.
Until the music played.
The harmonies spoke to her
as if they knew her pain.
Loved, appreciated, accepted.
She finds peace
in the notes that cannot be contained.
She started to find herself
when she began to sing.



Look it's a poem not about love.

Never have I felt such confusion,
this pain that eats away at my conscience
every second of these torturous days.
It’s so twisted,
And so surreal
How you exploded
in my heart
And scattered your ashes in my mind.
Destroying all I’ve ever known
Of quiet security.
Of devotion to the one
who taught me how to love.
Now you rest in me,
Haunting every moment
With that smile that won me over
And caused me to stumble
Along this formerly smooth path.
You’re uninvited and overstaying your welcome.
The doors opened to one only,
And now you’ve made yourself at home.
Quietly assuring us of our destiny.
I refused to fall for you
But that choice was ripped away from me
When I saw the admiration in your eyes
And all you had to offer
And all I can give to you.
Now, I regain my poise
And make that all important decision.
Linked arm in arm again with the one I love
Spinning a tangled web
Of destruction
Of promises
Or forgiveness.
I look back one last time
And see your eyes fixed upon me once more
And I can’t keep away.
Fate and I need to have a talk sometime.

Summer of 2002. Enough said.

Tonight, Tonight I cry for the love that was untouchable
Tonight, Tonight the tears fall down
Upon cold..cheeks…so pale
And It’s never been so real…
and I've never been so touched…

Chorus: Did you know I still fall in love everytime you're near
and did you know you're still the one I fear
and did you know i'm back at start and falling from grace
from your smile there is no escape..
if you want me..you can have me…if you want me…look for me tonight..

Tonight, Tonight…meaning is lost
as I lay down my head and with it my faith
Tonight, Tonight...the pain consumes me…
Because it's never been so real
and I've never been so touched

Chorus

We'll go on...the world will keep turning..
and we'll surrender
happiness where have you gone?
And I know I'm so bitter, and i'm so scared
and I know it's so wrong...but I have no cares
Come back to me...
Come back to me...
Because I want you
I need you
I love you..

Chorus

Tonight...you're smiling
and my heart is breaking
and with the kiss
i bid you
goodnight.


My first song, I still haven't perfected it. It's simple but sweet and gives me a chance to show off my low range:) Someday I'll perform it...

Standing still, my feet as if nailed to the ground,
I am only an observer.
Waiting for fate to make an appearence
Watching for a sign of our destiny.
Analyzing every move, every touch.
Have I lost or gained?
A martyr for your love or a hopeless fool?
The queen of missed oppurtunities am I.
I see the world spin so quickly, so out of control,
creating confusion and chaos.
Your desperation to keep me happy and his idealism
conflict in my indecisive heart.
I accept all I've been offered and cherish all I am blessed with.
And yet,
he will
always
have
a
part
of
my
every
being.
and maybe, just maybe he is waiting for me.
and I will wait for him.
Or it's wishful thinking
A future unknown, A present so beautiful, scarred by that incurrable curiosity.
Which killed the cat and now will destroy me.
My cool exterior is a fraud. A big fucking lie.
Now, my dear friend, let what will be will be as I try and forget
all of those moments that defined my summer of confusion.
Still lost in my sea of emotions, I ponder when I will see him
and not feel the strings through his eyes tugging at my heart
and that gravitational pull that wont allow us to be apart.
Maybe someday I will be able to look him in the eye and not fall.
Maybe someday I can convince myself I never felt so deeply about him at all.
Until then, I give all I have to offer.
My loyal friendship, my guidance, and the hope
That this poem was not written in vain.
But that in the essence of my soul, his spirit remains.
And to believe in what may come our way.
Don't wait for me. don't hold me in such high regard
don't love me so unconditionally, it breaks my heart
to see perfection slide from my grasp.
I've said too much and now I bid thee goodnight.


This also dates to the summer of 2002...one of the most eventful and difficult times of my life...

Fear
Of what lies ahead
cold winds,raging seas
blackness
chilling me to the bone
A glimmer up ahead, that i can't reach
Falling away from me
Or am I falling away from it?
Feeling the force of gravity,pull me back
Into a black-hole of nothingness
suffocating me
Hope is for tommorow
Survival for today
Reaching for the light switch,pull
My Light has burnt out
I Sit and Wait
For my glimmer to reappear
I know it's out there (somewhere....)
In the distance
I will find my glimmer again one day


I thought it was impressive for 14 years old:) I still struggle with these feelings...

Hand over my heart on a silver platter
with romance on the side
i'm offering all that I have
but is it enough
to make you believe
in forever?
Is anything real in this cynical world?
Chemical imbalance?
or **magic**
I once believed love conquers all
but now am faced with your
harsh realities.
Because your heart is with me.
But your home is far away.
and I cannot fullfill your dreams.
I give you only
my undying love
my true devotion
my endless condolences
my heart on my sleeve.
Perhaps one day
you'll find me in your dreams...



I wrote this in 2002 I believe when I was dating Wade.
Obviously irrelvant, but I still think it's decent work.